it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
