Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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