We won't sleep together?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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