Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
