official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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