I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
