I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
