just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
