who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
