It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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