I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
