I don't usually arrange sex via text message
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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