remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
