So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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