I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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