I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
