woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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