I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
