i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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