My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
