She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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