remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
