remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
