I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
