I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
