I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
And then the night went full on bisexual.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
