we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
