Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
