Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
