whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize
