just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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