david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
