Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
