4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
