She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
