She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
