What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
