It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
