3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
