Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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