Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
