nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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