My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
