Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
