I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
