matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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