i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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