no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
