Rock
Scissors
Fuck
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
