We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
