dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
