tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I have aggressive nipples.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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