This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
