Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
